Monday, March 15, 2010

Parenting Styles

What is your parenting style? If you are pregnant, what will your parenting style be. I have to admit that I didn't know a lot about different parenting styles when I was expecting.



I learn towards attachment parenting, but I don't frequent forums regarding AP because 1) I hate the label. What are other parents - 'detached?' and 2) I think people hide behind parenting styles and compare themselves to others. (ex: Mary doesn't breastfeed or doesn't hold her baby in a sling, she is not an attachment parent', etc.)



Don't know what attachment parenting is? Here you go:

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting



Attachment parents lean toward baby wearing (I tried to do this, but my son hated the specific carrier that I had. Next time, I would try a different carrier), breastfeeding, feeding your child on demand, follow their cues and being attentive to them (not letting them cry much, but being very proactive on their crying), bedsharing or cosleeping (there is a difference - bed sharing means you share the same bed with the child and cosleeping means to be in the same room with the child --AAP says to do this for six months, but not everyone does (and that is OK)). Dr. Sears is the doctor that proposes AP. Dr. Sears also recommends delaying some vacinnes. I don't agree with most of that (but that is another post).



What are other parenting styles? Well, some people lean towards Dr. Ferber and cry it out methods. There is nothing wrong with either style or any style of parenting you do.

Information on Dr. Ferber:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc

http://www.sleep-baby-sleep.com/ferber-method.htm



I like to say I parent by gut. I don't read parenting/sleeping books at all. I think they set poor expectations on what will work FOR YOU. For example, many people read books aimed at sleep training and the book may say that your child need X number of sleep per night. People get stuck on this and think they are a bad parent when really the book should say 'most' kids need this. Not all kids fit into little statistics...Do what feels right for you and YOUR family.



Also, don't look down upon others who choose different parenting styles than you do. People have been parents forever and they managed to raise their children appropriately. Your way may not be the best way. Get over it. Some people put their baby to sleep at 6pm and some at 11pm. They do what works for them. I know some of my friends look down upon me bedsharing, but it is what works for us. DS has never liked a crib. In talking to other moms, quite a few have to bedshare at some point (baby is sick, child is teething, etc). All children are different...in talking to real moms I have found out that each of their children were different. One of my friends had a son who only when to bed nursing (my son was the same way). She also had a daughter who had no sleep issues and didn't need that kind of close comfort. My friend has three kids - two girls and a boy. He had sleep issues with his last daughter. Each child has a different personality and something that worked for one may not work for another.


I am only mentioning two parenting styles. There are many more out there, I am sure. Do some research and it is ok to buy books, but a lot of parents that I know don't do the books. In fact, one of my friends is going to burn all her parenting/sleep training books. :)

Here are four completely different parenting styles:
http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm

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